01/11/07

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Peter Jackson Won't Be Involved in "The Hobbit" Film

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The Lord of the Rings director Peter Jackson has been ruled out of making The Hobbit, the head of film studio New Line has told the Sci-Fi Channel.

Jackson is locked in a legal battle with New Line over money from The Lord of the Rings trilogy.

New Line co-chairman Bob Shaye told the Sci-Fi Wire that Jackson would never make The Hobbit "during my watch".

The director responded by telling Variety magazine it was "regrettable" Mr Shaye had made the issue personal.

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Let's see...

Tony Scott's "The Hobbit": Bilbo kicks ass and takes names. Sounds awful.

Ridley Scott's "The Hobbit": Think back to Tom Cruise and "Legend."

Joel Schumacher's "The Hobbit": A well-muscled Bilbo in tight clothing. Next.

Wes Craven's "The Hobbit": Bilbo and his rampaging, murderous dwarf posse.

Zhang Yimou's "The Hobbit": Bilbo doing a lot of acrobatic wire work on a green screen. It'd look nice at least.

Jim Jarmusch's "The Hobbit": Lot's of pseudo-profound banter between hobbit and dwarves, but not much plot or action.

Martin Scorsese's "The Hobbit": Too intense for the kids in the audience.

Spike Lee's "The Hobbit": His effort to address Tolkein's ostensible racism, though well-intentioned, falls flat. New Line accedes to Lee's demand for a four-hour cut against its better judgment.

Nora Ephron's "The Hobbit": Looking away from this train wreck proves so difficult that viewers resort to applying Krazy Glue to their eyelids.

Luc Besson's "The Hobbit": Critics are baffled by the casting of Chris Tucker as Bilbo's wisecracking sidekick. Milla Jovovich's turn as a Bruce Lee-style elf doesn't work either.

Memo to Richard Parsons: Fire Bob Shaye.

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