Washington (NOT) – The Federal Communications Commission today approved sweeping new rules to put the management of the nation's roads under the control of Internet service providers.

The controversial new policy represents an effort to implement the Telecommunications Executive Enrichment Act, which was approved by Congress through a secret vote in early August and signed into law without being read by President Bush.

"Telecom companies have had a hard time of late," said FCC Chairman Kevin Martin at a press conference. "It's our hope that putting them in charge of the highway system will allow them to recoup losses incurred by bad business decisions."

Highway neutrality advocates immediately denounced the new rules as anti-competitive. "I have already paid for access to the highway system with tax dollars," complained Harlan Pasca, Director of the Association of Disorganized and Impoverished Complainers. "Why should I have to pay again?"

Under the new FCC rules, the federal highway system will be turned into what amounts to a toll road. Highway Service Providers like AT&T will be allowed to levy additional fees on drivers based on vehicle make, speed and weight. These fees will be in addition to transportation taxes and subscription charges.

"Some companies want us to be a big dumb road that gets bigger and bigger. . . .," said AT&T chairman Ed Whitacre following the FCC announcement. "No one gets a free ride. The American economy doesn’t work that way. . . We are not going to build this with no chance for a return. Those that want to use this will pay."