Bush to Restate the Union
WASHINGTON (NOT) - In anticipation of a report by government auditors, Bush administration spokesman Ari Fleischer today said the White House would restate the Union.
"We've been informed of a number of irregularities in the President's State of the Union address and we have concluded that it would be in the best interest of the country to clarify some of his remarks," Fleischer said at a press conference.
Among the restated passages of the President's January 29th speech count the controversial "axis of evil" slur. Said Fleischer, "The President strayed from the script by accident. He meant to say, 'taxis of evil.' That's what we wrote for him. There was no intent to capitalize on the memory of World War II."
Asked to explain the cryptic expression, Fleischer answered, "I should think it's perfectly clear."
North Korean leader Kim Jong-il, speaking on behalf of the Axis of Evil, a newly formed terrorism trade group that also includes Iran and Iraq, voiced his consternation and outrage at the change. "We condemn the imperialist dogma that comes from Mr. Bush so easily," he said in a faxed statement. "Now we will have to reprint our stationary. For that, we demand compensation and an apology."
A spokesman for the Taxicab, Limousine & Paratransit Association expressed similar dismay at the President's corrected choice of terms. "Do he mean to imply that all taxicabs are evil? Clearly this is not the case. Some taxicabs are good. This is an indisputable fact."
Following Fleischer's burnishment of the President's words, Transportation Secretary Norman Y. Mineta offered his own interpretation. "I believe it’s a metaphor that describes how rogue states carry evil with them," he said, "just as a taxi carries passengers, from here to there."
The Government Accounting Office report that prompted the retractions is expected to be released shortly, though no time table has been set.
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