Gov. Ridge Announces Homeland Security
Gov. Ridge Announces Homeland Security Advisory System. The system is called the Homeland Security Advisory System (HSAS). It's color-coded: Green means "low risk of terrorist attacks." Please note that green no longer signifies envy, nature, money, or go. Those meanings will be reassigned new symbols once usability studies are completed in 2005. Blue means "general risk of terrorist attacks." Bluegrass music will henceforth be called greengrass, which makes much more sense anyway. Yellow represents "significant risk of terrorist attacks." Cowardice is thus appropriate, in keeping with its traditional color association. Orange stands for high risk of terrorist attacks. The operative mnemonic: wearing orange at a St. Patrick's Day parade in Belfast--plan on trouble. Finally, red means "severe risk of terrorist attacks," as well as "Don't look now but Osama bin Laden is standing right behind you." Red was chosen because it suggests ketchup (the lobbyist representing Heinz who pushed for the deal refused to comment on any possible association between ketchup and blood), and because everyone likes saying "Red alert!" For the visually impaired, the government announced that municipal leaders will be empowered to shout "real loud" anytime HSAS changes its color code.
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