Lot 49

The Exploding Whale

This story, well-known to readers of alt.folklore.urban, reached me through email several years ago in the form of a 1990 article written by syndicated humor columnist Dave Barry. And believe it or not, it is neither folklore nor urban. It is a completely true story, and one that I guarantee you will not soon forget. It happened on November 12, 1970. The carcass of a sperm whale had been rotting on the beach just south of Florence, OR for several days. At the time, the Oregon Highway Division (now called the Oregon Department of Transportation) had jurisdiction over beaches and decided to dispose of the whale the same way they would clear a large boulder from a highway construction project. The rest is history.

Be sure to watch the Quicktime news report of the event.

Posted by Thomas Claburn at 10:11 AM | Permalink

Why Goldfish Might Turn Blue

Say goodbye to Birkenstock sandals and woolly jumpers -- tomorrow's eco-warrior will like nothing better than swimming naked in defense of cleaner oceans. That, at least, is the hope of researchers in Singapore, who are developing a breed of fish capable of detecting water pollutants by changing color.

Wouldn't it be simpler to avoid polluting in the first place?

Posted by Thomas Claburn at 09:49 AM | Permalink

Applied Digital Solutions Introduces Verichip, a Miniaturized, Implantable Identification Device With a Variety of Medical, Security and Emergency Applications

Applied Digital Solutions, Inc., an advanced digital technology development company, announced today that it has developed a miniaturized, implantable identification chip -- called VeriChip(TM) -- that can be used in a variety of medical, security and emergency applications. VeriChip is an implantable, 12mm by 2.1mm radio frequency device about the size of the point of a typical ballpoint pen. Each VeriChip will contain a unique identification number and other critical data. Utilizing an external scanner, radio frequency energy passes through the skin energizing the dormant VeriChip, which then emits a radio frequency signal transmitting the identification number and other data contained in the VeriChip. The scanner will display the identification number, but the VeriChip data can also be transmitted, via telephone or the Internet, to an FDA compliant, secure data-storage site. It will then be accessible by authorized personnel. Inserting the VeriChip device is a simple procedure performed in an outpatient, office setting. It requires only local anesthesia, a tiny incision and perhaps a small adhesive bandage. Sutures are not necessary.

Posted by Thomas Claburn at 01:23 PM | Permalink

A note I just received from E*Trade: "Dear 0, Congratulations - you have been identified as one of our most valuable customers and Preferred Customer Service is available for you today!" I suppose "0" is a term of endearment for the digital age.

Posted by Thomas Claburn at 04:06 PM | Permalink

I'm pleased to report that The Fellowship of the Ring is excellent. Fans to Tolkien's trilogy with be enthralled, and even those unfamiliar with the books will enjoy the three-hour bladder test. There are certainly aspects of the film that could have been executed better--the battle between Gandalf and Saruman for example--but not many and not by much. On the whole, it's engaging, moving entertainment. It's going to be a long wait until Wednesday, December 18th, 2002 when The Two Towers will be released. Not that anyone's counting the days.

Posted by Thomas Claburn at 11:02 AM | Permalink

Coming Soon: Hollywood Versus the Internet

If you have a fast computer and a fast connection to the Internet, you make Hollywood nervous. And Tinseltown is nervous not because of what you're doing now, but because of what you might do -- grab digital Hollywood content with your computer and broadcast it over the Internet. Which is why Hollywood, along with other content companies, from book publishers to the music industry, has begun a campaign to stop you from ever being able to do such a thing -- even though you may have no intention of becoming a copyright "pirate." That campaign has pitted corporate giants like Disney and Fox against corporate giants like Microsoft and IBM, but the resulting war over the shape of future digital technology may end up with us computer users suffering the "collateral damage." As music-software designer and entrepreneur Selene Makarios puts it, this campaign represents "little less than an attempt to outlaw general-purpose computers."

Posted by Thomas Claburn at 10:33 AM | Permalink

Saddam's New Novel Gets Rave Reviews

A new novel just published in Iraq, combining romance and Iraqi politics after the Gulf War, is widely believed to be the second book written by President Saddam Hussein. Al-Qala'ah al-Hasinah (''The Fortified Castle'') appeared this week in bookshops and all public libraries in Baghdad and was hailed on state-run television and by the newspaper al-Jumhouriya as a ``great artistic work.'' The cover gives no clue to the writer's identity, saying cryptically that it is a ``novel by its author,'' while a note inside explains that the writer ``did not wish to put his name on it out of humility and modesty.''

Isn't it odd that critics under the threat of death can be very complimentary?

Posted by Thomas Claburn at 09:15 AM | Permalink

At a UN meeting, Pascal Smet, head of Belguim's independent asylum review board, proposed a universal identification scheme that would involve fingerprinting citizens, possibily worldwide. Just the thing for totalitarian governments to locate and eliminate their enemies. Back to the drawing board, Pascal.

Posted by Thomas Claburn at 07:39 PM | Permalink

I'm off to see The Fellowship of the Ring tomorrow, the 10:00am showing at the Sony Metreon in San Francisco. Though I've been prepared to be disappointed, the reviews so far suggest my guarded pessimism is misplaced. Among the media outlets voicing approval, count The New York Times, Wired News, The San Francisco Chronicle, The Los Angeles Times and Salon, to name a few. I can't wait.

Posted by Thomas Claburn at 10:04 AM | Permalink

SOS: Students for an Orwellian Society

Students for an Orwellian Society (SOS) is a nationwide student group. Although SOS has always been a nationwide student group, there is evidence to suggest that it first appeared at Columbia University. The mission of SOS is to promote the vision of a society based upon the principles of Ingsoc, first articulated by George Orwell in his prophetic novel, 1984. SOS is active at Columbia, Oberlin, Penn State, and a number of other schools. However, while we of course have a complete list of schools available, we do not list them here until we are contacted with information of their existence.

Posted by Thomas Claburn at 03:18 PM | Permalink

Coincidence Design has to be one of the creepiest services I've ever seen.

She is your DREAM WIFE. You've found success; you drive an expensive car, own a mansion, and have money to burn. On top of all this, you're fairly young, you work out, and can make witty remarks. But you haven't found your dream wife yet. The women you date don't live up to your image of the ideal woman. You've seen her, though. Maybe you've noticed her in a restaurant, or in the lobby of a hotel. Maybe you passed her on the sidewalk a few months ago. Then again, maybe you have yet to catch a glimpse of her. So what now? You won't meet her via the classifieds or a dating agency, because her kind don't go there. You can't just walk up to her and utter some silly pick-up line, because she'd rightly despise you if you did. Even if you do have the good fortune to meet her at a wedding or a business meeting, you'll be disappointed to find out that she's already with someone else. It would be useless anyway; guys are hitting on girls like her all the time. What's left? You aren't some law-breaking psycho. You can't STALK her. But WE CAN. ...

And it only costs an estimated $78,000. As they say, a fool and his money are soon parted. Oh, and don't miss the FAQs.

Posted by Thomas Claburn at 11:28 AM | Permalink

Universal to release copy-protected CD in U.S.

The world's largest record company will be the first of the major labels to release a copy-protected CD in the United States, signaling a new chapter in the industry's efforts to stem music piracy. When Universal Music Group on Tuesday releases the soundtrack, "Fast & Furious -- More Music,'' consumers won't be able to copy the music onto another CD or use their PCs to "rip'' tracks in digital MP3 format. The copy-protection technology will also render the disc unplayable on Macintosh computers, DVD players and game consoles, such as Sony's PlayStation 2. It might not even play in some CD players.

There's another possibility: When Universal Music Group on Tuesday releases the soundtrack, "Fast & Furious -- More Music,'' music stores won't be able to sell the crippled CD.

Posted by Thomas Claburn at 11:08 AM | Permalink

Ex-postal worker says he's guilty of assault

A former postal employee told a federal judge Tuesday he was angry about being fired when he walked through the back door of the Empire post office and "whipped" two 5-gallon buckets filled with a slurry of porcupine feces and worms on former co-workers and mail.

There was a recent study that "concluded that postal workers are no more likely to physically assault, sexually harass or verbally abuse their coworkers than other employees in the national workforce." Apparently, the study was requested by an "independent postal commission," set up in 1998 at the behest of Postmaster General William J. Henderson. So I guess "going postal" is just a myth, like the study says. I am curious though as to how one acquires popcupine feces.

Posted by Thomas Claburn at 12:41 PM | Permalink

Wind may explain mystery anthrax cases

The two "mystery" cases of anthrax in the US may have been caused by spores blown on the wind from Trenton, New Jersey where anthrax-laced letters were processed in October. If true, the fear that anthrax was carried widely across North America by contaminated mail may be unfounded. Two of the five US anthrax deaths so far had no known association with contaminated mail. The two women lived in the Bronx in New York City, and in Oxford, Connecticut. But both places lie on a straight line running 47 degrees northeast from Trenton.

Somehow that explanation isn't any more comforting.

Posted by Thomas Claburn at 03:22 PM | Permalink

Wounded Army Captain Details Offensive Against Taliban

In one of the more bizarre moments of his six weeks in Afghanistan, Amerine watched a yellow taxicab drive through a firefight near the targets that U.S. planes were striking. "People have to go places," Amerine deadpanned.

Posted by Thomas Claburn at 10:24 AM | Permalink

Axed Intel Man Loses E-Mail Case

Kourosh Kenneth Hamidi remains barred from targeting Intel employees with bulk e-mail. A California appeals court this week ruled against Hamidi, who was fired by the computer chip giant -- then replied by airing his grievances in an e-mail campaign that targeted up to 35,000 Intel employees at a time. In a split decision on Monday, the state appeals court upheld a lower court's decision against Hamidi, saying his avalanche of angry e-mail was equivalent to trespassing. "Hamidi's conduct was trespassory," the 2-1 majority ruled. "(Intel) showed he was disrupting its business by using its property and therefore is entitled to injunctive relief based on a theory of trespass to chattels." Many courts have ruled that unsolicited commercial e-mail is trespass. It's the legal club that large companies such as AOL Time Warner have used to thwack spammers when their e-mail snarls servers and eats disk space. But Hamidi is engaged in political -- or at least anti-Intel -- speech, not commercial activity.

The majority got it wrong.

Posted by Thomas Claburn at 10:34 AM | Permalink

Patent Ruling Aids Seed Biotech Firms

In a victory for companies that develop genetically modified plants, the U.S. Supreme Court ruled Monday that seeds and seed-grown plants can be patented. The 6-2 ruling, which upheld a court of appeals decision, strengthens the intellectual property rights of the nation's largest seed biotechnology companies. If these protections had been struck down, companies such as DuPont, Monsanto Co. and Sygenta would have seen hundreds of patents invalidated or restricted, giving other companies and farmers access to their technology without having to pay for it. "We have spent hundreds of millions, if not billions, to bring forth our products, some biotech solutions, some not," said Monsanto spokeswoman Lori Fisher. The court "clearly wanted to protect the rights of investors."

Do people have rights if they're not investors? I wonder.

Posted by Thomas Claburn at 02:04 PM | Permalink

Bush and turkey caption competition

This photograph by Kevin Lamarque (Reuters) appeared on the front of the Guardian on November 20 2001 with the following caption: 'A turkey named Liberty takes President Bush by surprise during the annual turkey pardoning event three days before Thanksgiving'. We asked you for humourous alternatives.

Posted by Thomas Claburn at 11:20 AM | Permalink

Woman Hunting 'Fargo' Movie Loot Dies

A Japanese woman whose body was found by a hunter near the North Woods town of Detroit Lakes was apparently obsessed by the fictional buried treasure of the movie ``Fargo,'' police say. Before her body was discovered on Nov. 15, Takako Konishi, 28, had shown police a crude treasure map she had drawn based on the darkly comic film of 1996, in which a character takes ransom money and buries it in a snowdrift in the barren Minnesota landscape -- a location he marks poorly with a short stick.

Fictional? I don't understand.

Posted by Thomas Claburn at 09:27 AM | Permalink

Russia, Oil, and Conspiracy Theories

Down, down, down slide the oil prices. Last year they soared above $30 a barrel. This year, thanks to the international economic slowdown, they've dropped as low as $11. At the moment, they're hovering around $17-$18 a barrel. OPEC is trying to raise prices by cutting production and is browbeating non-OPEC members around the world to go along. Norway has agreed. So has Mexico. So has Oman. Russia has not agreed however—making it the only major oil exporter not to have pledged a significant decrease in production. To date, Russia has offered a cut of 50,000 barrels, well below the half-million barrel-cut that OPEC wants. Without Russia's cooperation, OPEC won't go ahead with its own. Without Russia's cooperation, oil prices will stay low. Without Russia's cooperation, in fact, even Russia suffers: Crude-oil exports account for a quarter of Russian government revenues, and every $1 decrease in the price of an oil barrel cuts almost $1 billion in Russian earnings. Why, then, won't Russia cooperate? Those who prefer the deepest, darkest, most dramatic answers to this question already suspect the existence of a plot: a Russian conspiracy to destroy OPEC in general and to destabilize Saudi Arabia in particular, the better to increase Russian market share. ...An advanced version of this conspiracy theory has the United States in on the plot to destroy the Saudis.

Posted by Thomas Claburn at 09:51 AM | Permalink

Cooking Oil, Chicken to Power Supermarket Trucks

British supermarket chain Asda said on Wednesday it would be using chicken waste and used cooking oil to power its delivery trucks. Asda's Environment Manager Ian Bowles said the chain's 258 stores in the United Kingdom generated 138,000 liters of chicken waste and cooking fat, which after April would be transformed into biodiesel and used to fuel delivery lorries. ''Historically, chicken waste and used cooking fat from our in-store rotisseries and canteens has gone to landfills but now we have a more sustainable option ... turning it into environmentally friendly fuel,'' Bowles told Reuters.

A probable unanticipated side effect: packs of dogs giving chase.

Posted by Thomas Claburn at 09:44 AM | Permalink

The Real Story of Flight 93

In the first few days after September 11, Lisa Beamer could not sleep for more than an hour. Then she would wake up and cry. She worried about the boys, David, 3, and Drew, 19 months, and the new baby due in January. David wanted to know why, if their father loved them so much, he had gone to be with Jesus. And there was that one nagging question. Why had her husband, a man so attached to his cell phone that Lisa had to confiscate it when they went on vacation, not called her from the plane? Other passengers had called home from Flight 93 to say goodbye and talk to their loved ones. Why not Todd?

A wrenching read, but nothing to compare to living it.

Posted by Thomas Claburn at 02:28 PM | Permalink

Cyber-Security Chief Petitions Execs

The president's computer security adviser asked technology executives Tuesday for a shopping list of changes, including bundled security software for high-speed Internet users and a new way to get software updates on personal computers. Richard Clarke told software companies that their responsibility doesn't end when they fix a hole in their products that could let hackers in. ... ``It is not beyond the wit of this industry to force patches down'' to users, Clarke said.

Does anyone want to guess how long it will take to translate Clarke's admonition into a requirement that government and businesses have the right to remotely access your computer system for the sake of "national security"?

Posted by Thomas Claburn at 02:10 PM | Permalink

Mail irradiating device born in Star Wars plan

Sometime next year, a big chunk of mail going to U.S. government offices in Washington, D.C., will pass by a $5 million device about the size of a short log. The device will zap letters and packages with electron beams designed to kill bacteria — in this case, anthrax. And Titan, a 20-year-old but mostly unknown company, will be largely responsible for safeguarding mail that crosses the desks of the nation's leaders as the U.S. Postal Service installs eight of its systems. If the anthrax threats persist and the Postal Service expands use of the systems, Titan could protect an even bigger share of the 700 million pieces of mail processed daily in the USA. And to think the technology was last used to zap hot dogs.

Posted by Thomas Claburn at 10:25 AM | Permalink

An Inventor Unveils His Mysterious Personal Transportation Device

The mystery transportation device being developed by the award-winning inventor Dean Kamen — the subject of continuous fevered speculation since provocative clues and predictions surfaced in media reports last January — is not hydrogen- powered, a favored theory in Internet discussions. Nor does it run on a superefficient Stirling engine (yet). But if the public's collective yearning for Jetsonian travel technology must remain unrequited this week, at least the speculators will have their curiosity satisfied. Mr. Kamen plans to demonstrate today a two-wheeled battery-powered device designed for a single standing rider. Its chief novelty lies in the uncanny effect, produced by a finely tuned gyroscopic balancing mechanism, of intuiting where its rider wants to go — and going there.

A self-balancing golf cart for one, in other words. It's called the Segway Human Transporter.

Posted by Thomas Claburn at 09:37 AM | Permalink